The Stuck Blog

I was at a Mothers’ Day celebration last month where some of these wise kids were in rare form. A group of ten preschool kids were asked to come to the front of the room and talk about what they did for their moms for Mother’s Day.

One girl said she made waffles for her mom in bed. Another girl said she picked some flowers for her mom. Yet another went to church with her mom. It was then that a stroke of wisdom emerged from the mouth of one of the five year olds, just when I least expected it.

It started when the man who was leading the conversation (his name is Kim) said we should be thankful for mothers. “After all, being a mother is usually pure joy, but it can also be stressful. That’s why moms sometimes get gray hair.”

He said being a dad can be stressful too, which is why dads get gray hair, too. Then he said, “Even though I’m a dad, my hair isn’t gray. But I’d be OK if I had gray hair. I’m glad to have hair of any color just as long as it doesn’t fall out.” (Kim’s hair is a wispy brown).

Out of the blue, one of the five year old boys asked a question only a five year old can ask, “Do you dye your hair?”

The crowd erupted. Why? It was a question much of the crowd was thinking, but they didn’t think it was a question that “should be” asked. When that little boy asked that innocent question completely void of Should Bees, it was like a breath of fresh air fanning the crowd.

That five year old could care less about what “should be”. Just hang around young kids for a while and watch how totally spontaneous and genuine they are. They know exactly who they are. Five year old kids have virtually no “Should Bees”.

Because kids have no Should Bees, they are refreshing to be around. They embrace everything that confronts them. They aren’t caught up in what they should or shouldn’t do. They just react to the moment. That’s why they are so happy.

Ask a five year old what they want to be when they grow up. They’ll instantly say a doctor, or a nurse, or a teacher, or an astronaut, or a firefighter. They’ll say it with such certainty and without apology.

Ask someone in mid-career what they want to be when they grow up. You’ll usually get a deer in the headlights look. Instead of the completely unrehearsed response of a five year old, you’ll hear Should Bees.

- “I should be using my college education.”
- “I should have an 8-5 job like everybody else.”
- “I should be more organized.”
- “I should be more artistic.”
- “I should be more focused.”

Often they say simply, “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” Living through Should Bees is what keeps the real you from coming out. Should Bees fog the wonderful you that’s hidden beneath.

So, who is the “real you”? Quite simply, it’s the “you” that’s there when your Should Bees are gone. It’s the ten year old in you that’s begging to come out and have fun. It’s what we call your Given Talent.

What is a Given Talent? A Given Talent is the innate part of you that makes you totally unique. You’ve had your Given Talent since you were in grade school, and you are an expert at it. Everybody has a Given Talent, and they are all amazing in their own rights.

I’ll talk a lot more about the concept of Given Talent in my next blog. If you want to get a sneak preview of what a Given Talent is and how to find yours, go to www.stuckinarut.com. I’ll give you a hint… every single activity you love to do (work or play) is linked together through your Given Talent.

Until then, have some fun with just being YOU!!!

In my previous post, I introduced you to the Great Pretender Game. Let’s talk more about how the game is played.

If you feel the need to be someone other than who you really are just to keep your job, you’re playing the Great Pretender Game. If your personality stays on the curb on the way to work, you’re playing the Great Pretender Game. If the person staring at you through the mirror of work is completely different than the one you let out at home… there’s your sign.

It’s extremely easy to get caught in The Great Pretender Game. In fact, society teaches it in many ways. I’m sure you’ve heard the advice to make your resume look like exactly the person they are seeking. Or maybe you’ve been told to keep your resume businesslike and keep your personality out of the resume. Hmmm… sounds like a recipe for The Great Pretender.

I’ve seen the game played hundreds of times. It’s the artist at heart who pretends to be the filing clerk, or the straight-laced accountant who moonlights in the rock band, or the professional who refuses to put on a tie elsewhere.

So, how do you know if you’re playing The Great Pretender Game? Here’s how. You’re probably a player in the game if you accepted a job primarily because of:
• the pay, or
• the reputation of the company, or
• your friends who already work there, or
• the company’s products or services, or
• the location of the office, or
• someone else told you to take the job.

The only way to keep from playing the Great Pretender Game is that you took the job primarily because the duties of the job fit the real you.

If you’re playing the Great Pretender Game, it’s just a matter of time before one of these two predictable outcomes happen…

Predictable Outcome #1 - You become a truly great pretender, and live one life at work and another at home. You put a brick wall up between work and home to keep the two identities separate. You have to remember to check your personality at the curb on the way to work for fear the real you will be found out. This outcome sometimes leads to short-term success, but it almost always leads to long-term discontentment. When you’re living two lives, you count down the days until you can retire so you can go back to being yourself full time.

Predictable Outcome #2 - You turn out to be a lousy pretender and eventually your cover is blown. Your employer finds out you’re actually somebody very different from the person they thought they hired. You get fired, decide to leave or are forced to resign gracefully.

To join the 14% who love their job, it’s absolutely crucial to be the “real you” in your resume and interview. This all starts with knowing the real you. Sadly, most people don’t have a clue who the “real you” is because they are so identified with their job title. What you’ve done has absolutely nothing to do with who you are.

Just how do you find who you are… the real you? That’s a great question that I’m sure many of you have asked yourself. That’s what The Clarifier is all about. It answers the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up.”

Have some fun with just being YOU!!

Dave

Let’s follow Fred Flintstone in a job search to see how not to do it. As most of us remember, Fred worked in the rock pit at The Slate Rock and Gravel Company. Let’s imagine for a moment Fred lives in modern times, and he is one of the 86% who don’t love their job. He wants something better.

Fred hears about an attractive job as a salesman for Bedrock Counters. The pay is good, the company is stable, and the other employees seem to love it there. He’s really excited because if he gets the job, he won’t have to peddle his car very far to work every day. He tells Wilma (his wife) he is going to apply for the new job.

As luck would have it, Wilma has a friend who works at Bedrock. Wilma talks to her friend and learns Bedrock’s main customer base is women. Bedrock is looking for the kind, sensitive, understanding type to relate to their customer.

Fred does his homework and follows the job strategy others taught him. Fred produces a beautiful, professionally customized resume that matches his past to the requirements of the job. He highlights times in his past where he was the kind, sensitive person. He uses a frilly font on his resume to soften the look. He even puts a positive spin on his past experience, calling himself “Team Leader” instead of Rock Pit Foreman.

His resume works, and Fred is called in for an interview. He arrives at Bedrock expecting to talk to Mr. Bedrock. To his surprise, he is actually interviewed by Mrs. Bedrock, the Chairperson of the Board.

During the interview, Fred has to make sure he acts the part of the kind sensitive soul. He consciously talks to Mrs. Bedrock in the most diminutive voice he can muster. He politely crosses his legs and leans forward to listen like someone who’s actually kind and sensitive. He chitchats with Mrs. Bedrock just like women do when they get together. Fred is convinced he’s going to get the job, because he played the part to perfection.

And Fred is right. Bedrock loves what they see and they hire Fred. That’s the good news. The bad news is Fred is doomed to become one of the 86% who don’t love their job. He just played The Great Pretender Game.

Because Fred won the game, now he gets the spoils. And spoil is the right word. It’s just a matter of time before the real Fred Flintstone shows up. As we all know, Fred is far from the kind, sensitive, understanding type. Fred is actually somebody who is socially clumsy. His clumsiness is a part of his charm. That’s what we love about Fred.

Fred didn’t bill himself as that clumsy doofus in the interview. If he had, Bedrock might have placed him into a job that really did fit him. Instead, he pretended to be the kind, sensitive and understanding type that they described in their advertisement.

Fred fit himself to the job, instead of letting the job fit to him. Bedrock is about to find out they hired someone they don’t really know. They hired a Great Pretender.

Even though Fred is a mythical character from Stone Age days, his story represents many of you today. How do you know if you’re playing The Great Pretender Game along with Fred? How do you get a job just by being you? I’ll talk about that more in next week’s post.

Have some fun with just being YOU!!

Dave